So, over the past year, I have been spending lots of time trying to become the man I need to be. It's been a fun, exciting and painful journey so far. This of course will be a lifelong quest, but for the first time in my almost 50 years, I have focused on becoming a better man, father, husband and person.
The title of this post says "Be The Change..", the rest of the saying is "That You Want To See." I am not going to write about that because my version is obviously different from everyone elses. But on this journey, there is one particular piece of wisdom that, although hard at first, will apply to all who read it and hopefully help them on their respective journeys.
Ok, so first off, this past year I have learned to deal with my feelings (which apparently I have hidden for most of my life), learned to meditate (again which I had never done before) and began writing stuff down daily (journaling). These might not be foreign to some of you, but to me, they were new things I had never made time for. The number of books I have read has quadrupled from previous years also.
It was in one book that I learned this one key piece of wisdom that I want all to understand and hopefully learn from. See, as a chiropractor by day, I talk everyday about the dangers of stress, mental, physical and chemical. These kinds of stress are a major determination of your health and well being and can contribute and even cause many health problems.
So, here is what I learned and why I think its so important to everyone alive today. "Expect nothing and Accept Everything." Now read that again, put it to memory and then continue on. Shakespeare has it right.
It might sound bad to expect nothing, but lets think about this for a second. Now I am a chiropractor not a psych doctor, so if you need professional help with emotional stuff, for god's sake, find the right doctor for you.
So, lets just look at the last time you were felt anger.......What were you angry about? Maybe it was the slow driver in front of you, maybe that your kid didn't do what you asked, or maybe it was a customer who pissed you off, it doesn't matter. Look, you got angry because you have expectations that weren't met, the slow driver you "Expected" to drive faster or move over, you "Expected" your kid to do what you asked, you "Expected" the customer to act a different way. You see, many of our emotions are caused from our expectations.
Look at our emotions, and more specifically look at our reactions to those emotions when things don't go the way we EXPECT them too. Remember the saying "When you Assume something, you make an ASS out of U and ME", having expectations are similar to assuming people will act like you want. So if we can start to not expect people to act a certain way, we would not have an emotional reaction to how they acted. You get it?? Say I give my wife a back rub and I expect to get rewarded for it. When I don't, in my mind there is anger, resentment, etc. Now if I give my wife a massage with no expectations, there is no anger, resentment, etc. Don't get me wrong, this is not easy, but it is worth the effort. We expect our kids to do things and we get let down often, our friends and family again, the same thing. I am not saying we don't WANT a certain result, but expecting it is where the emotions get involved. Maybe you said hi to a friend and they just ignored you, you were expecting a reply and now you are pissed at them for not giving you what you expected. But we are humans and maybe they just got some really bad news, maybe they broke up with their significant other, maybe they just aren't feeling well, so they just passed us by without notice.
If you know me at all, you know I was not big on emotions, or thinking before speaking, or doing what is safe, etc. I have spent a good part of this year "Lowering my Expectations" and its truly a daily challenge, but inside my mind its a much calmer place.
The last part of the saying is "...Accept Everying.", this is easier for me, but what ever happens, happens. You just have to deal with it when it does. That slow driver isn't going to speed up or move over, so just accept that, your child will probably need you to tell them again what you need them to do, that customer is just an ass, accept it and move on. LOL
I know this was a long post, and hopefully it makes sense because for me, it has been life changing. Next time you feel anger for someone, stop and think, what were you expecting them to do? And accept that fact that your expectations were way too high for them to meet, otherwise you wouldn't be angry with them. We as people are emotional and sometimes irrational, how can we "EXPECT" a certain response everytime.
Love you all,